The test was negative.
I needed a couple of days to process the news. At first I was very sad (Saturday, I was under the covers until 3pm w/ a wet face) and disappointed. It felt like all that I did was for not. A conversation with C on Sunday morning totally changed my outlook on fertility and the future.
DH is a man that is about action and will rarely discuss how he feels, as most men are. So, I have felt alone in this fertility struggle. It has been my vendetta to get pregnant, because I thought I knew how he felt and what he wanted/needed. I couldn't let him down. I didn't realize it would be this hard or have such a huge impact on changing who I am...who we are.
I have never seen him be more genuine as he made these key statements:
1. He married me for me and if it was just him and I, he would need nothing else.
2. He is in love with me and I owe him nothing. Just to love him and our life that we currently have together. Not what the future may or may not bring to us.
3. He admitted that it is not hard for him to be around people having kids (like it has been for me) because he already has what he wants and anything additional would just be an another blessing.
I must have done something good to deserve this man. I'm a moron. I have been wasting these past couple of years for no valid reason. Thank you God for this clarity.
I just got a call, this morning, from Dr. M. He said that he is optimistic and that he wants to make changes to my protocol for the next IVF cycle, in December. I made a consult appointment with him for 12/1 to discuss. It is amazing that I really don't care as much as I did before. It would be nice if this happens for us, but if it doesn't I have a wonderful husband and son that I will love and be content with forever.